The Truth in Your Lies
by ElectricEnchantment
Summary: The sins of the previous generation can only cause pain for the next. AU, History of ArMor's parents; the life of  ArMor from infant to adult.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note**

_Hello! This is a new story I began about a week ago, I have chapter two already written so if you want me to post it sooner rather than later just let me know in a review. :) Slightly AU, as you will understand when you read, but this is my own twist on the story. This is __**strictly **__an ArMor story, but a few of the beginning chapters are the previous generation. (Vivienne, Gorlois, Uther, Ygraine, ect) This story will include lots of ArMor growing up together right until they are adults and there will be plenty of twists and turns along the way! Enjoy! And please R&R! :D _

**Chapter 1**

_**Painful Realities and Lustrous Fantasies**_

"Is something the matter Vivienne?" Ygraine asked her dear sister and she pecked over the chicken on her golden plate. It did smell delicious, but she had lost her appetite, and had lost it for verging on two weeks now.

"Come sister." Ygraine began again, grabbing her sister's hand from across the table, but Vivienne's eyes looking down upon her lap. "You must eat something."

Vivienne slowly raised her gaze to meet her sister's icy blue stare, a vast change from her daunting emerald glare.

"How can I eat at a time like this?" Vivienne shot her sister a look of disgust, as though she should know better, that the statement she had just came out with seemed extremely idiotic and foolish.

"Gorlois would not see his wife waste away over him; he was never that selfish." Ygraine soothed, but feeling that her words had come out differently that she had meant them to seem.

Vivienne pulled wickedly away from her sister's stronghold and glared at her, _how dare she! _"No. You are right." Vivienne went on, her eyes stretched into evil slits, and Ygraine braced herself for the painful words of abuse her sister would throw upon her now, she always knew when Vivienne was angry, she had a fiery temper that no man could ever tame, whereas Ygraine believed herself to be more kind and forgiving than her sister would ever know.

"_This_ is the selfish work of _your husband_, not mine." Vivienne spat at her sister, her lips snarled up over her white gritted teeth. Ygraine watched as she stood up and kicked her chair away viciously, although her gaze never freeing from her own- Vivienne had always frightened her when she had got like this.

"Please Vivienne." Ygraine begged, looking up to her with eyes of longing and hardship. She didn't wish to feud with her sister, not tonight. "Sit and eat and we'll say no more on the matter." Ygraine told her, staring down at her own plate, but feeling selfish that she could happily chew at her food whilst Vivienne could barely keep down water.

"I do not wish to dine with you tonight, sister." Vivienne informed her sister, turning her head, making her gracious hazel hair flourish and sail in ripples down her back, as the Lady stormed from the hall.

Ygraine sighed heavily to herself. Uther excused himself from dinner this evening like he seemed to do every evening; claiming her had many important council matters to address, that left her alone with Vivienne.

Vivienne became more irritable every day, the days dragged and as they did she preferred to lock herself away in the room Uther had provided for her, when she had come to stay in Camelot at least two months ago.

Gorlois had an important matter to address for Uther, the King had sent his most favourable Knight to the western cities to guard the high walls of bandits and capture all of the magical folk that divulged and crept through the forests like smoke through a dark night.

In the forests Uther believed them to breed, make a life for themselves in small tents and raging fires, and when their kin were old enough they would be pushed further and further until they reached Camelot, and then they would destroy it.

Gorlois's job was to construct Camelot's best army, to rapture, murder and destroy any sign of these magical folk. But 4 moons had come and gone and there hadn't been a word from Gorlois, or any of the other Knights, as each day withered past, Vivienne's hope of ever seeing her husband again grew smaller and smaller, and soon she would be on the brink of madness. Ygraine only hoped that they would all return safely; for her sister's sake if anything, but both she and Uther realised some time ago that the chances were dim, so they had braced themselves for the worst.

Weeks past, lingering on for months upon months, summer was at its end, having Gorlois leave at early spring. The hallow halls of Camelot Castle haunted Vivienne, how she _hated_ this place now.

The castle was large and cold, were things of battle and hardship were constant, never a trace of love. She just wanted to go home, but she would leave here without her husband and she _would_ wait for him, however long it took; because he _would_ come back, despite the many talks with Ygraine that she had stormed angrily away from, talks where her beloved sister would try and explain that Gorlois might never return, and that it would be wise for her to understand that too. Ygraine had always been more loving that she, with her constant kind words and her sweet way of making everything better, but not now.

Her sister radiated loveliness, loveliness she had envied a young girl, but she was as close to her as a petal to a flower stem. Hating her was something she could never do. Vivienne's raging words had reduced Ygraine to tears as child, when she had aggressively shouted at her little sister for going into her room and messing up her things, and over the past few weeks they had fell into that place again where Vivienne would never talk to her sister like she once would, she would rather snap and snarl at Ygraine, and the realisation of pushing her sister away burdened her heart like the waiting of her husband had.

Vivienne lay nestled up in her bed, her maid left over an hour ago, but she had not slept. Like every night she lay awake, tossing and turning and often watched the sun break through the window, as daylight crept upon her like a raging wind.

But tonight was different, tonight she _wanted_ to sleep, even if the adrenaline of worry alone was keeping her going, her sister was right; like she always was. She needed to start eating proper meals and sleeping full nights; otherwise she'd drive herself into an early grave.

But tonight, the loud shouts and curses of Uther and Ygraine were keeping her awake; they were arguing; _again_. It had been no different than any other night in the past week and it was starting to grow on Vivienne's nerves.

Ygraine had _insisted_ that Vivienne sleep in a room close to her own, in case she needed anything. Her sister had always fussed over Vivienne terribly, taking the mothering role when their own had died of the sleeping sickness over five years ago now, she had just died shortly after Morgause's birth, the child Vivienne would never speak of.

Although the shouts from the other room where muffled, the raised voices could still be heard, with the often distinctive '_I will not shut up_!' Coming from Ygraine, a fragile woman with a kind heart, Vivienne could not help but chuckle at her sister's lame attempt at argument, whereas Vivienne would have snapped right back at Uther and made sure he knew who was boss, like she had often done with Gorlois when they argued; she had always won.

Vivienne had refused to believe that a man had any higher right than a man, _she_ could do as well as any and would not be pinned down to bore children and cook meals as well as greeting her husband when he came home from battle. It had _always_ annoyed her that Ygraine was so welcoming to the fact that she could serve her husband, she had never missed at sewing class as a girl, Vivienne had often cut the hair off her many dolls as a child, she was so spiteful. But most of all Ygraine cherished the thought of mothering a child one day and the etched smile on her lips vanished when she realised that her sister might _never_ bear a child, she had been married longer than Vivienne and Vivienne had already bore _one_ child which was five years ago, _not even to the man she was married to._

But soon the sound of her bedroom door opening shook her from her thoughts, it was probably Ygraine, coming in to cry to her about how unfair Uther had been and Vivienne would have to nurse her and then threaten to slap Uther, things which had often made Ygraine laugh and smile, before she realised the cruel things she was saying and made her stop. Of course, Vivienne rolled her eyes, as she pulled herself up from her bed, Ygraine was so very sensitive, whereas if she were her she wouldn't think twice about _really_ slapping Uther.

"_Uther_!" Vivienne gasped, grabbing her blankets and pulling them around her to keep her dignity, even though she was wearing an ivory nightgown. The shock of the tall bold man entering her room made her eyes bulge- _he hadn't even knocked_!

"Forgive me…" Uther sighed, as he raised his arm and placed it on the wall beside the door, leaning on it. "But I _need_ someone to talk to." He claimed, as he finally met her gaze.

Vivienne's grasp on her bed sheets eased as her brows furrowed. _Was he serious? _She rose from her bed, holding her head up arrogantly as she walked to the door. "I'm sorry Uther." She began as she made her way across the room, his eyes followed her, looking in disbelief at how patronizing and angry she had suddenly become.

"But I will not sit here and listen while you badmouth my sister." Vivienne snapped calmly as she opened the door for him to _kindly_ get out. They had just had an argument, it only seemed right that Uther would come and claim how unfair and hard Ygraine had been, Vivienne would listen to her sister snap and snarl about her husband, but she would _never_ sit and do the same with Uther about her beloved sister.

"_Please_." Uther begged as he gazed at her, his eyes were weak, and he was saddened of something of a different nature, no- these weren't the eyes of an angry man, but a frustrated one.

Vivienne eyed him up suspiciously before she threw the door closed again, folding her arms with a calm aggression. "Let's hear it then." She commanded, readying herself for the sure rubbish he would come out with.

"I will not speak with you if you do not wish to listen." Uther informed her, but not spitefully- sorrowfully. "Well, please shut the door on your way out." Vivienne smiled sarcastically, knowing no matter what she said, he would _never_ leave.

"_Please._" He begged again, gripping her forearm as she went to make her way past him.

Vivienne turned to look at him, her expressions turning serious; she stood emotionless for no less than second before her brows furrowed. "What _is it_?" She asked, or more so demanded, snagging away from his grip.

She approached the table in front of the dying fire and sat herself down on the wooden seat, pouring both herself and Uther water from the brass jug on the table.

"Over the past few months… Or years even." Uther began, it was obvious that whatever it was, he took no pleasure in speaking about it, but now he was forced to. His eyes looked to the floor as he slowly made his way towards Vivienne.

"…I have _realised, _that your dear sister, _my loving wife_… is _unable_ to bore a son." Uther told her, speaking the words with deep regret, almost wishing he hadn't spoken them. His blue eyes met with Vivienne's who was now holding a full water goblet in her hand.

Vivienne sat emotionless, knowing that what he had said was possibly true. It was a horrible fact of life that _some_ women could not have their own children. Such women craved children only because they couldn't have them, _her sister was one of them._

"Come now Uther…" She smiled, as she snagged away from his gaze, standing up and walking past him, her water goblet still in hand.

"I'm sure she will have a child, in her own time." Vivienne told him, though the wavering sense of lies in her tone was beckoning. She knew how much her sister craved a child, how she fussed over every child she came across, she would be the most magnificent mother, it was cruel how nature worked.

"Oh come now!" Uther snapped, annoyed that she was lying to him, he sensed it. He had gone through many physicians, had his wife checked over numerous times. Each told him the same thing; _she will have a child when she's ready_.

"We have been married eight long years and nothing, _nothing._" Uther emphasized, the rage creeping to his eyes as he swung his hands in anger, turning to look at Vivienne, who had her back to him, though she gazed at him over her shoulder, seeping in his words like a sponge.

"The year of your marriage is nothing Uther. You could be married another eight and she still might not have borne an heir." Vivienne tried to keep calm, trying to ease his sorrowed mind, even if it was all a lie; surely it was better than expose him to the horrible truth.

"What are you saying? Are you saying it is true, that she is in fact… _infertile_?" Uther asked rage dropping from his tone as his eyes widened in fear- that she was _confirming_ his worries.

"I'm not saying anything." Vivienne soothed, but in truth what did she know? She was no physician; she would never know if her sister was truly infertile, she doubted anyone would.

"These things take time." She said turning to face Uther, with a smile plastered on her lips.

"Ha!" Uther cackled in rage, his anger returning, making his face hard and stern, all vulnerability lost. "But yet for you it took no time at all!" Uther laughed viciously, angered. Merely taking out his sorrow and anger on the woman he had come to for help, but she had not helped him at all.

Vivienne's brows furrowed as her grip tightened around her goblet. "I would urge you to _shut up_!" She spat, trying to keep her calmness, but it was stole away by his patronizing glare.

"Why is it that my _wife_ wants a child, _craves it_- whilst _you_- you sleep with a blacksmiths son and get your bastard child- never wanting it!" He snapped cruelly, his words cutting through her like a silver blade, now _she_ was exposed.

"It wasn't like _that_!" She snarled, but feeling that she could do much better, she could hurt him if she truly wanted to, but she feared that she was weakening at the horrible memories he was bringing back, horrible memories that she had tucked away for many years.

His name was Edward, and he was the son of a blacksmith and he was learning to take the trade. He was tall, with a light tanned skin and hair as golden as the morning sun with bulging deep brown eyes. But he was a _peasant_. Whilst Vivienne was a Lady of high standard, she could _never_ divulge in any sort of romantic activity with his sorts, _but she had_. And her foolish decisions had cost her _everything_.

She was betrothed to a Duke, and his name was William. She had never met him, but she had heard rumours of his selfish ways and squirmed at the thought of becoming his wife, it possibly fuelling her affair with a blacksmiths son.

On the night before her departure to meet her betrothed however, she had confessed to her father that she carrying a bastard child. Her father beat the blacksmith boy until he was bloody and sore, before he sent him away from the land. William had heard of the great disgrace and refused to marry a '_common whore'_ as he had put it, and her father was greatly disappointed in his daughter's foolish ways, and things had never quite been the same between them since.

Now the young girl was losing the chance of marriage, her dignity however was already stolen. That was when Gorlois came on the scene, a tall, gruff man, bold with a muscular figure. He was a typical example of a warrior, and his thrill for battle had often scared her.

Gorlois was foolishly in love with Vivienne, and she often regretfully realised that he had loved her more than she had him, _she didn't deserve him._ He was forgiving and kind, and gave her everything she wanted, of course her father's first choice of husband was lost, Gorlois made a good second.

To Gorlois the truth that his wife was carrying a child that was not his own, never bothered him. He had rather believe that the little babe growing in her stomach _was_ his own, and Vivienne knew he would have loved Morgause like his own if given the chance, but life _was_ cruel, and though she was given a child and her sister was not, _her_ child was still taken from her, snatched away viciously from her breast and it was something that she could _never_ forgive.

"I loved my daughter." Vivienne spoke aloud, losing her long train of thought as her eyes glared in a daze-like manner out of the window. "I loved her more than you will ever know." She said coldly, turning to look at Uther through wide eyes of sorrow.

"So don't you _dare_ stand there and tell me I never wanted her!" Vivienne snarled viciously at the cruel man before her, her teeth gritted as she tried her hardest to lock back the tears that were threatening to spill.

Uther stood back, frozen, his anger fading. He had never seen the wife of his sister in such a vulnerable state, apart from the time when her daughter had died all those years ago, in his own castle; perhaps that was why she hated it here so much.

"Forgive me…" Uther told her, bowing his head, annoyed that his temper had changed him in such a way.

"How many infants you killed then, because they were magic…" Vivienne snapped back, making him look back up and meet her gaze.

"Vivienne… Morgause's death was not my doing…" Uther tried to soothe her now, how the tables had turned, he knew now he was wrong to come to her on the matter of children, he was only opening up old wounds.

Vivienne turned her gaze out to the window, she stared out. She had forgotten herself for all of a moment, Uther did not know of her baby's magic, but _she had. _She caught her eyes glow orange and then _she knew_. During such times Uther was condemning all magical folk- _including_ _children_, to be killed. Being a mother she did what she thought right, and gave her young daughter to the Court Physician, and he had sworn an oath that he would give her to the High Priestesses.

The following morning Gaius informed the King that Morgause had died in her crib within the night, nothing more was said on the matter.

"I will leave you." Uther nodded when she didn't reply, and now he was making his way to the door when she raised her head and finally spoke.

"And tell me." Vivienne finally spoke. "These arguments you have with my sister- do you dare take things she cannot help, out on her?" Vivienne asked her brows furrowing as she gazed out of the window.

Uther had come because he had been arguing with his wife, over her not being able to bore children. Was he cruelly taking this out on her sweet sister, when she could hardly help the matter?

"The arguments I have with my wife are none of your concern!" Uther snapped angrily, his rage returning to his formidable gaze.

"But tell me, do you _dare _belittle my sister?" Vivienne questioned as she turned to him, her sorrow disappearing and her bitterness taking its place.

"They are private matters." He snarled.

"Hardly private when I hear your muffled shouts through the wall." Vivienne shrugged her shoulders at his idiocy.

"You dare listen to the arguments I have with my wife?" Uther's eyes bulged as he glared at her aggressively.

"Oh not just me…" Vivienne began, wearing a patronizing smirk. "The Knights, the Guards, The maids, the cooks and even the hound dogs raise an ear." She told him, counting on her hand, raging him; she was enjoying every moment.

Uther darted across the room to her, raising a hand to slap her across the cheek, but she stole the moment by speaking up into his face like the fearless woman she was.

"And are you so keen to slap my sister too?" She asked him, her voice low as she whispered her sweet breath onto his face.

Uther was enraged, unforgivably. Vivienne had _no right_ to speak to a King like that, to admit that she heard his many conversations with his wife, to taunt him and then to go as far and accuse him of hitting his own wife. These were all reasons to throw the young woman to the cells below the castle, chain her away without a meal for days upon days, which was why he couldn't- _for the life of him_- understand why his lips where crashing against hers.

Vivienne couldn't deny that it wasn't what she wanted, but she didn't understand _why_ she wanted it. Why was she now heatedly kissing a man who was moments ago so cruel and hard, spitting words of pain and sorrow in her face, cutting open her wounds like a sadistic murderer? _He_ was the reason her dear Morgause was gone, the reason so many children had died, _she_ _hated the man._

But now, here she was lying next to him in the fumbled covers of her bed sheets, muttering words she didn't mean whilst he repeated them. It was an act of passion, lust, seduction, but it wasn't an act of love and they both knew that.

Ygraine lay in the next room, sorrowful and full of pain as she nursed herself to sleep without her husband, whilst her sister was lying next to her sweetheart, making _unforgivable_ love to him.

Vivienne would possibly never forgive herself, but now her mind was enraged with lustrous thoughts as she whispered passionate words. She would _hate herself_ come morning, but now- nothing else mattered, not the fact that her own husband was off fighting a battle, possibly dead in a forest somewhere, or the fact that her sister was sleeping in the room next to her whilst she waited on _her_ husband's return- all that mattered was Uther.

Vivienne couldn't help but realise that she was living up to being a _common whore_, but now she merely chuckled at the thought, finding it exuberating and libidinous. It would be a night of passion and nothing more, after this they would walk away and never speak of it, _she hated him after all._

"Is everything alright?" chirped Ygraine who sipped at her soup, eying her husband and Vivienne suspiciously.

"Fine…" Vivienne muttered, as she gazed up from her bowl and threw her sister a kind smile, before she stole a glance at the King who was looking at her at the same moment, the glanced down awkwardly.

"You're very quiet Uther, have you nothing to say? You normally do." Ygraine shot her husband a humorous smile, her husband. Uther shot Ygraine back an entertained smile, though the smile was guilty and full of regret, _but god love his sweet wife_, she was too infatuated to pick up on anything.

"I do not feel hungry, my sweet." He told her with the same smile still painted on his cold face.

"Perhaps there is an illness floating around?" Ygraine piped up, and Vivienne jumped in.

"For that I fear, yes, sweet sister." Vivienne told her sister as she wiped her mouth with her cloth and stood up. "I will retire if that is alright." She smiled, before Ygraine nodded and she began walking down the hall, glad she could get away from them both.

Vivienne could not look at her sister, burdening this great guilt, and Uther- now she could barely look at him without feeling a deep sense of regret and awkward tensions.

But then, the large wooden doors where threw open, and a tall, bold man stood at the other end. He was covered in dirt, and his beard was thick with dried mud. But his bold stature remained his gleaming grey eyes full of happiness and love. _Gorlois._

Vivienne froze, fearing that she might never see her dear husband again, didn't waste a second in running to his arms and letting him captivate her. "Gorlois!" She beamed in glee as he spun her around harmoniously.

Uther stood up and grinned, but feeling the guilt wash over him again; there was no denying that Gorlois would kill him if he ever found out what he had done with his wife. Although Uther would put up a good fight, Gorlois would surely finish him with his muscular stature.

Gorlois smothered his wife in warm kisses, as Ygraine gasped and stood up beside her husband in great relief that her sister would no longer be in mourning for a man that was not dead. Uther clapped his hands melodically; all in all happy that things could return to how they once were, but little did he know that things would _never_ be the same.

Vivienne shot Uther a look of wary, that told him that their night of lust was nothing more but foolishness, that he dare never speak of it. The look said everything yet nothing at the same time, yet he knew that he could be nothing more with her, and he wouldn't want to be, but she was just warning him. Ygraine was his love and it would stay that way.


	2. Chapter 2 My Daughter

**Authors Note**

Hello! So sorry for the massive delay on updating; I have been so busy lately! I had a lot of trouble with this chapter; I can't tell you how much I re-wrote some parts. Anyway, this chapter isn't much but Chapter 3 is underway! :) Thank you to everyone who reviews, alerts,

Favourites ect on this story! :) It means the world to me! Enjoy! :)

**Chapter 2**

_**My Daughter**_

_Dear Sister,_

_I feel the time has come for me to inform you that I am with child. You will possibly be as shocked when you read this as I was, but of course Gorlois and I are over the moon at the gracious news._

_Given the circumstance, travelling to Camelot in my condition didn't seem at all wise, but Gorlois insists that he see Uther in person about council matters that need to be addressed. He urges that I stay here, alone until his return, but I will not hear of it._

_My stay will not be a long one, as I wish to birth my second child here in my home rather than in yours, I hope you do not take great offense to this of course, as I am sure you would treat me like a royal guest in your home like you always have, but please understand and respect my decision._

_I leave the day after next; you'll most likely receive this letter tomorrow, so you can have a nights rest before my arrival._

_I hope you are keeping well,_

_Vivienne._

Vivienne folded the note carefully before she poured hot, red wax over the lapse of the thick parchment, sealing it with the House of Gorlois symbol.

"Emmeline!" She called, and soon the thin, ditzy brown haired maid came rushing into sight, her thick dark locks rasped up in a white bonnet.

"I need this to be post, immediately." Vivienne told her, holding out the letter for the young maid to take in her hand, as she struggled with a bundle of bed linen.

"Of course, Milady." Emmeline replied, giving a small, fumbled curtsey before she darted from the room again in a rushed manner.

Vivienne let a deep sigh escape her lips, in a fed-up style. Her mind rushing with thoughts of what she would do, how Uther would react, if Ygraine would grow suspicious, what she would do with the child once it was born, if she could keep the secret any longer whilst still looking at her husband without being overwhelmed with feelings of betrayal and heartbreak.

If she dwelled on these matters anymore she would go mad, and that was certain.

She had found out of her pregnancy a little over two months ago, and she knew her sister would be annoyed feeling she was 'out-of-the-know' for so long. But to Vivienne's surprise she was already two months when she had discovered the foetus growing in her womb, which meant she now only had five months left before the child would be here, and she would be a mother once again.

The thought, without denial had scared her out of her wits, because this wasn't the child of Gorlois, but the child of Uther Pendragon, the horrible spiteful man whom she hated and she regretted succumbing to his touch that night.

Her maid had noticed first, when she was overcome with hot flushes of fainting, the constant cradle Vivienne had over her stomach and when she no longer requested binding for her monthly bleedings.

The smile on Gorlois's lips was hard to erase when Vivienne had informed him of her condition, he was naïve enough to believe that the child was his, and why shouldn't he? She was his wife after all, and he loved her too much to ever contemplate the vicious act of betrayal.

Gorlois had constantly begged his wife for another child after Morgause, but she had always denied him. In truth Vivienne didn't _ever_ want another child, in fear that they would have the same gift that her beloved Morgause inherited from her. It had been hard enough giving away her first child, and she'd be damned if she'd give away her second. She feared more than anything that this second child might be found out, and killed for suspicions of sorcery, and for that she couldn't bear.

Of course, the constant glint in Gorlois's eyes upset her deeply, that he so desperately wanted a child of his own, to inherit his great fortune and carry on the Le Fay name, and now he truly believed that he would get what he desired, when Vivienne knew the child growing in her belly was not his, that she could _never_ give him what he wanted, and that he was so consumed in happiness to see otherwise.

Vivienne of course would never tell her husband the truth; to him he would know no different, as this child wouldn't. He _would_ be the father to this baby, and to this baby, Gorlois _would_ be its father. The truth would _never _be revealed; it was better that way.

* * *

><p>"Are you alright, my love?" Gorlois asked, as the night sky settled around them in the horse carriage they were being pulled along by.<p>

"Fine." Vivienne muttered back as she watched the deserted darkness of the countryside envelope them.

"You seem troubled, is something causing you annoyance?" Gorlois asked again, he spoke to her, longing for her to look at him, but her eyes were cast away to the window of the cart still.

"Are you not excited to see your dear sister after all these months?" Gorlois asked again, growing anxious when she would no longer reply to his concerned words.

"I do not like it here." She spoke out at once. "I don't expect you to remember the last time we arrived in Camelot, you disappeared for months and I was prisoner in its walls." Vivienne told him, bringing her eyes to meet his; at last.

"It is also the death place of my dear Morgause." Vivienne told him finally, her face expressionless, but he caught the sternness in the darkness still.

"Come." He spoke aloud, knowing she would be captivated by these thoughts of madness. "I am not going anywhere, this is a friendly visit." Gorlois informed her, resting a hand on her knee.

"And we will not stay for long, I promise. You will birth the child in your own home; do not fill your head with these foolish thoughts at this late hour." Gorlois concluded, slipping his wife a sweet smile through the darkness, and she caught it, returning it kindly, taking solace in his words, before she extended her gaze to the window again.

Vivienne dread seeing Uther, for she would _have_ to tell him, it was only fair and just. But he would _have_ to agree on Gorlois being her child's legitimate father, the heir to _his_ fortune. But with Ygraine seemingly unable to bear a child of her own, she feared Uther would cause havoc and rebel against her wishes. Especially if this child was a boy, he wanted a male heir to rule Camelot one day when he was gone, if this child growing in her belly was a male, then she feared Uther would want to come to some sort of an arrangement.

Of course, these were just unanswered fears; she truly doubted Uther would sacrifice his social standard for a bastard child. This is why Gorlois was a better man, because he would give up any royal title to claim his blood.

* * *

><p>"Sister!" Ygraine yelped as Vivienne and Gorlois walked through the main entrance of the castle.<p>

"Ygraine!" Vivienne replied softly, going to greet her sister with a hug.

Gorlois and Uther smacked each other on the back, chuckling greetings as they went, before both wives returned to their husband's sides.

"You will go and rest!" Uther proclaimed, looking cheerful and full of glee. "We will discuss the council matters in the morning; it is much too late to begin anything now." Uther told Gorlois, as though he was ignoring Vivienne altogether.

"Goodnight sister!" Ygraine whispered Vivienne passed her; the excitement in her eyes was like that of a small child at Christmas time. Ygraine was possibly more excited at the prospect of becoming an auntie than Vivienne was at becoming a mother.

* * *

><p>The Le Fay's didn't stay long, as Vivienne had requested, Uther was prudent that Gorlois stay another week, but Vivienne played on her pregnancy and demanded Gorlois return with her, and he would.<p>

The candlelight licked and caressed the stone walls, creating a warm and tangible amber glow within the room. Vivienne stood by the window; waiting on her husband's late return from council, with a heavy burden that still hung in her mind and grew in her womb.

She darted to the door, cut off guard by its opening by the occupant outside.

"Gorlois!" She beamed, her face aglow with delight at his return.

"Where were you heading at this late hour?" He asked her, his brows furrowed suspiciously.

"To come and find you." She lied, hiding her eyes from his.

His face softened and he smiled, before rubbing the gristles of his beard longingly.

"I am here now, sweet one." Gorlois told her with a heartfelt smile, planting a kiss on her forehead. He retreated to the leather armchair to dress for bed, when Vivienne cleared her throat, readying herself for yet another lie.

"I might have left my cloak in the entrance hall earlier, when I returned from riding." She told her husband brightly. "I think I'll go retrieve it, now whilst I remember."

"Whatever would you need a riding cloak for at this hour?" Gorlois chuckled, unlacing his leather boots and throwing the muddy soles in the corner.

"I fear I might forget it come morning, we leave so early…" Vivienne explained, the begging in her tone was sure to break him. "I'll only be a few minutes." She turned for the door.

"Let me get it for you- if you are to be so persistent." Gorlois stood up and brushed his leather chaps.

"No, no." She held her hands up in defence, trying her best to keep composed.

"You're not dressed appropriately to go wandering around a castle at this hour." He brushed off, nearing her as he spoke.

"Please." She pleased. "I would be glad of the short walk."

"You have a child growing in your belly woman, walking is the last thing you should be doing-"

"For goodness sake Gorlois!" Vivienne snapped at him, resting her hand on her hips. "_I _am going to fetch my cloak and that will be the end of it!" The brisk anger in her tone made him back off, and she took her chances in leaving the room whilst she still had it.

Vivienne wandered slowly and warily down the dimly lit corridor, waiting a moment to see if Gorlois would follow, but after a few short minutes she realised she was alone, and she'd need to hurry if she were to continue her lie.

She was barefoot, and the aching cold flagstones beneath her feet made her tremble and shiver, so she wrapped her arms around her waist tightly, trying to consume the little body warmth she had left, but the light ivory gown held nothing, barely even modesty.

* * *

><p>"Come in." Uther commanded, as the brown wooden doors of the dining hall where pushed open.<p>

"Vivienne." He breathed surprised at her presence.

"Uther." She bowed, seeing the King at the top of the table, surrounded by a mixture of leaflets and scrolls, whilst he worked under the light of a burning candle.

"What brings you here so late; is everything all right?" Uther asked, his expression was full of concern. He stood up and bolted towards the pregnant woman before him, guiding her to a chair.

"I am fine, Uther. Everything is fine." She said almost breathlessly, as he took his seat next to her.

"I'm sorry for having disturbed you." She confessed the guilt and sorrow overwhelming her soft features. "I cannot be long, or Gorlois will grow suspicious."

"Vivienne?" Uther asked, growing more anxious at every word. "What is it?"

She breathed in, inhaling all air before exhaling it again in a matter of seconds. She was about to speak words she would regret the moment they left her lips, she didn't want it to be true, but reality was harsh.

"If there was anyway of sparing you the truth Uther, I would've taken it." Her eyes met his, passing every emotion of her words to him.

"I have beaten myself up about this, _terribly_." She stood up, the overbearing authority of his presence was intimidating, she had no idea how he would take the news.

"I wasn't entirely sure how I would unfold the truth…" She sighed, tears threatening to spill as she gazed out the long window.

"I didn't know what decision would be the right one, but I feel this is the only right way- for me at least." Vivienne explained, knowing her words would be mere riddles to him, until he knew the truth.

"You see Uther…" She turned to him now, his face full with anxiety and concern.

"The child growing in my womb _is yours_." And for that moment she felt the tears might overwhelm her, that the sobs would make her crumble to the floor in a mess of guilt and fear, but they didn't, they didn't even drip over her lashes, they simply made her eyes looked glazed and watery, she was glad of that.

Uther froze the words she had spoken echoed in his mind, he felt sick and his heartbeat fastened, his stare was cold and still.

"It can't be." He said after a long impregnable silence. "Ygraine is my wife; it is _she_ who will bore my first." He was angry, but he didn't know why. He loved Ygraine, with all his heart- the passion filled night with her sister had been forgotten the moment it had begun, but this made it seem more real, like he truly had betrayed her, and now the heartache set in.

"I don't want it to be true either, but it is." Vivienne sighed, in a way it seemed a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

"No one can ever know." She told him, scornfully.

"You carry the heir to my throne, how can I ignore that!" Uther almost yelled in rage.

"Gorlois will be this child's father; the child will know no other paternal figure but him." Vivienne replied, ignoring his last request.

"What if the child is a _son_?" Uther sneered. "My _one_ and _only_ son, how can I ignore that!" He furrowed his brows, the lines in his face more prominent than before.

"You value your title more than your blood Uther, I know you too well." Her tone was vicious, and cruel- harsh but true, she spoke the words of fact and not fiction.

"How would the people react if they believed a King _raped_ his wife's sister?" She was close now, practically whispering the words into his ear. "They'd burn you alive." She sneered sadistically.

"You wouldn't dare make up such a lie against a King- _that's treason_!" It was clear the King was outraged, but he dare not shout, he dare not awake the guards to this matter.

"Try me." She spat at him angrily. "My baby's father is Gorlois, you dare speak otherwise and I'll help light the flames that consume your bones." The lasting effect of her gritted teeth against her stony words was all he was left with, because now she was storming out of the hall, leaving him alone with burdening thoughts.

* * *

><p>"There she is!" Ygraine cooed as she darted over to the wooden crib in the corner.<p>

"I'm surprised you convinced Uther from his throne in Camelot to come visit." Vivienne let a small, sharp laugh escape her lips, seeing Ygraine coo and fuss at her daughter.

"Nonsense! My sister just had a baby; there was no discussion on the matter! I had to see you." Ygraine told her, the words spoken solemnly from her heart, it made Vivienne smile absently.

"_Look at her_!" Ygraine fussed with an intoxicating, infectious grin. "She's beautiful."

The baby lay awake in her wooden crib, carved with squirrels collecting their acorns along the side, a prize Gorlois had bought home many months ago for the expected child.

Her eyes were wide, and bright green, shiny wonderfully up at the world. She had soft, dark hair; quite thick for a baby. She squirmed and moaned, lying wrapped in a lilac shawl, but not for long, because soon the little babe was being cuddled and spoiled in her aunties arms.

"She is so like you." Ygraine whispered, holding the baby close to her, breathing in the warm scent of her hair, feeling the tender touch of her delicate skin.

"Mother would be so proud." Ygraine said, making Vivienne smile, but the smile was filled with guilt and heartache.

Her mother could never be proud of her, for sleeping around and bearing children left, right and centre, betraying her husband and living a lie.

Ygraine was as pure as winter snow, and as innocent as its white blanket- she could never believe such harsh truths if she even wanted to.

"What is her name?" Ygraine asked finally, when she had finished overwhelming herself of the little babe in her arms.

"Morgana." Vivienne spoke, with a knowing smile.

"Not unlike Morgause." Ygraine commented, hushing the baby of its gurgles.

"Morgana will stay with me, I won't let anyone harm her, and no one will take her away from me, _ever_!" Vivienne snapped at once, in the comparison of her two daughters, as if the same should happen to the new child.

"No, never…" Ygraine ushered, knowing her words were not thought out, and bringing up Morgause now was only foolish.

"Come, I want to show her to Uther." Ygraine grinned like an overbearing child, before she left the room to find her husband, who was possibly downstairs discussing a new battle with Gorlois.

* * *

><p>"Look at her!" Ygraine grinned, pushing the child into her husband's arms, whether he liked it or not.<p>

"Well?" She pestered, anxious that her husband barely said a word; there was no feeling of love in his eyes as he held the squirming babe.

"…Cute little thing." He murmured, suddenly feeling very awkward.

Yragine rose a brow and snatched the baby from his arms again. "Honestly, _she's your niece_!" Ygraine rolled her eyes. "She'll be in Camelot so much; you may as well be a second father." Ygraine chuckled, smothering the baby in warm kisses, before Vivienne came into view.

"Things will be different when you have your own." Gorlois chuckled, slapping his friend on the back. Vivienne caught the girlish blush in Grainne's cheek, as she buried her face in Morgana's shawl, _something wasn't right_.

Uther wished the conversation would end, _now_. That was _his_ daughter, he couldn't bare her being brought up under another name that was not Pendragon, it made his heart weigh heavy in his chest, as much as betraying his sweet wife had.

* * *

><p>"May I see her, one last time?" Ygraine pouted, stepping into her sister's room.<p>

"Why are you up so late?" Vivienne asked, rising from her bedsheets.

"I couldn't sleep, the loud cackles of Uther and Gorlois getting drunk where keeping me awake- next time I stay please choose a room that isn't so close to the stair." Ygraine eyed her sister playfully, before she crossed the room to the crib.

"She's sleeping Ygraine, don't wake her." Vivienne scolded, knowing it had taken hours to get the child down.

But it was too late; Ygraine was already cradling Morgana in her arms, rocking her and whispering heartfelt words in her ear.

"Ygraine!" Vivienne moaned, slumping back down on the pillow, knowing that the moment Ygraine left Morgana would moan and cry for the remainder of the night, wanting more attention.

"Come, she'll be good for her favourite aunt." Ygraine cooed, poking her finger playfully at the drowsy baby, before she crossed the room with her and climbed into bed beside her sister.

"Perhaps I should transfer her crib to your room?" Vivienne asked her playfully, rolling over to watch Ygraine glower and bask at Morgana, revealing her true mothering role.

"Oh no, Uther's snores are enough thank you." Ygraine let a girlish giggle trespass through her lips.

"There is something you are not telling me sister." Vivienne yawned, sitting up in the bed. "Tell me."

"What're you talking about?" Ygraine replied innocently.

"You blushed like a schoolgirl when Gorlois commented on Uther having his own child," She bit her lip at that word, fearing she might have given too much away, but she carried on.

"Now, do you plan on kidnapping my daughter or are you going to tell me the reason for your secrecy?"

"Oh all right!" Ygraine muttered. "But you cannot tell."

"I am expecting my own child." She beamed, letting a laugh of disbelief escape her lips.

"No!" Vivienne's face shot into a wonderment of joy, as she glared at her sister.

"It's true, I have seen the Court Physician in Camelot and he informs me I am over eight weeks, I can hardly believe it." She grinned, getting hysterical at her words.

"Oh sister, how wonderful." Vivienne replied, pulling her sister into a warm hug, careful not to crush Morgana between the two.

"And Uther, does he know?" Vivienne asked finally.

"No, I want to wait a while… in case anything happens…" She suddenly sounded saddened, and hurt at her own words. "It all just seems too good to be true."

"Hush now sister, why should anything happen?" Vivienne comforted. "The Gods are aware of how great a mother you shall be, it would be a shame if you could not mother your own."

"I know, I know." Ygraine brushed off the subject quickly.

"I can hardly believe we shall have our own children, they shall be so spoiled and the best of friends." Ygraine squealed in delight.

Vivienne laughed at her sister's innocence. "Of course." She went along.

"You a girl, and mine a boy!" Ygraine told her, going on in her ramblings.

"A boy?" Vivienne questioned suspiciously.

"A mother's instinct." She grinned, cuddling into the sleeping Morgana, who wanted nothing more than to rest; sadly she had a rather persistent aunt.

**Authors Note**

_Please R&R if you're enjoying it. :) I'll try to update soon, thank you everyone! :D_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**A Dream of Death**

Vivienne stared down at the sleeping babe in the crib, hushing and rocking the cradle ever so gently as Morgana lay curled comfortably in her lilac blankets. She was more than 7 months now, which made Vivienne think that her own sister would be birthing her son soon, a little over a month and her child would be here and Vivienne knew she would be expected to take the trip to Camelot this time to greet her nephew- or niece, yet Ygraine was adamant that the child was a boy, Vivienne only hoped she didn't get too worked up over the baby's gender, she didn't want her sister to be gravely disappointed if she birthed a female.

It sickened Vivienne all the same, that the moment this baby be born, it was promised Camelot one day, it would be the heir to Uther's fortune and promised a life of gratitude and authority, not that her Morgana was belittled by it, she would give Morgana anything she desired, and Gorlois would too- but she could never give her the throne, not now.

Uther would claim and cherish his 'son' with love and praise him above anything else, yet his daughter lay back here, he barely would have known she existed if it wasn't for Ygraine. Of course, Vivienne was deeply unsure about why she was cutting herself up over the matter; this was what she wanted after all, wasn't it?

But each growing day only became harder and harder, she had hoped when she was expecting her daughter that the moment she arrived, all doubt and pain would go away, overwhelmed by her new child; it vanished for no more than a day and ever since the pain just became harder and harder, the guilt seeped through her skin and ached her bones every time she even glanced at her husband, she had wronged him in so many ways, she doubted she could bare it any longer, and she knew when she set eyes on Uther's heir, the guilt would overthrow her and she would be a shuddering mess, reciting her crimes to her sister right there, at her bedside.

"Is she alright?" Vivienne was awoken from her thoughts, hearing Gorlois's gruff voice enter the room.

She sighed, long and hard, composing herself for her husband, she had made herself vulnerable by allowing herself to seep to deeply into thoughts she wanted to forget.

"Yes, yes, she's fine." Vivienne told him after the impregnable silence, sighing deeply before she felt Gorlois near her and look down into the crib where his _daughter_ lay asleep.

"Get some rest, I'll send a maid up to watch her." Gorlois informed his wife, knowing she sat day and night over her daughter, as though she was _protecting_ her, he wondered why until he thought of Morgause and it all made sense why she wanted to be so close to her daughter.

Vivienne turned to her husband, with a slow nod, pulling her lips into a sorrowful smile, he returned it before he left, leaving her to dwell once again over horrible thoughts.

_ …_

_The room was dark, low and dank. It was her bedroom, but at the same time; it wasn't. Everything was distorted and cold, barely any light was soaking the room and she was alone. Vivienne clambered out of bed, the chill of the air swirling through her body, barely recognisable. The cold was something that should be felt on a cold, winter's morning, when the snow had settled on the ground and frost swamped the window, creating an icy glaze that would turn to water droplets spiralling down the glass as soon as touched._

_But, it wasn't snowing- in fact when Vivienne approached the window, all she could see was the empty, cobbled courtyard below and everything seeming deathly silent- as though there __**should **__be snow, then there would be a reason for the eeriness of the earth._

_She was awoken from this tranquil thought however when she heard a baby groaning and gurgle, before low screeches and sobs from the child filled her ears. Morgana._

_Vivienne turned to her crib, to find it empty, the lilac blankets freezing now, yet the baby's cries echoed some foreboding that she didn't like. Who had taken her?_

_Vivienne swallowed, overcoming the throb of emotion in her throat as she darted from the room. Her baby would be with Gorlois, Gorlois wouldn't leave his daughter alone, but as though he could read her mind the husky, raged voice of her husband spoke out of nowhere._

"_Daughter." He scoffed, mocking her as he stood out from behind the darkness of the door archway, the dim light creating nasty shadows on his face, making it seem angered, but in a sadistic sort of way- she didn't like it._

"_Where is she?" Vivienne asked desperately, going to battle her way past him, not caring what he did or said, Morgana may not be his, but she was her mother and no one would change that._

"_You dare betray me!" Gorlois spat back, scornfully, ignoring her request. _

"_Where is my daughter?" Vivienne demanded, trying to battle past him again but he gripped her arm and twisted it grotesquely._

"_I've had her killed, like your __**other**__ daughter." He laughed heartbreakingly, yet there was no love in his words or no warmth in his grey eyes, they were as cold as the chills being sent through her body._

_Vivienne gasped and let a screech of agony escape her lips, finding herself falling with a thump to the wooden floor below, trying to deal with the excruciating pain that consumed her now. _

"_You desperate, rotten whore!" Ygraine screamed as she slapped her sister with a loud and stinging satisfaction. Vivienne found herself standing again, and she let a yelp of injury escape her lips as tears flooded her view and swam down her burning cheeks. _

"_You deserve everything you get." Uther confessed and he too stepped into sight, Vivienne couldn't help but notice that her bedroom had gone; she stood alone in darkness now, each of their forlorn faces swimming into her sight._

_Vivienne let a small whimper out when she realised Uther was there, that he was forgiven for his crimes yet she was being punished so horrendously. _

"_Please." She begged, letting the sobs consume her. "Please sister, I never meant harm." She confessed, wanting her sister to understand that she regretted so woefully what she did, if there was any way of taking back the horrendous crime she committed she would; but that meant giving up Morgana and she would never deny her daughter, but now she was lost to her selfish ways, like Morgause- Uther was right, she did deserve everything she got._

"_You'll burn." Ygraine told her, the white of her sadistic smile could not be missed. "You'll burn for what you did- __**witch**__."_

_And now, orange and amber flames licked her skin, the cold had disappeared, replaced by this horrible warmth, the terrible heat that would captivate her and leave her in ash. The flames grew closer and closer as she wriggled and cried out against the tight rope that bound her to the pole that hung her up. _

"_Please!" She squealed, as the flames scorched her skin, unbearable and awful pain that she would never wish on anyone. "Please!" Sobs choked her now, her screams becoming loud and pleading, the despondency and agony of her begging would have torn anyone to shreds, but the final thing she saw was Uther, Ygraine and Gorlois standing harmoniously together as they watched her burn, with proud and delighted smiles on their faces. And now, the heat became too much, it broke her skin and sizzled her innards like a shank of lamb on a roasting fire, the dizzy weight of warmth knocked her out, before she let out one last shuddering scream._

…

"Vivienne!" Gorlois gasped as he shot up from the bed, to find his wife panting and whimpering like a child who'd lost their way.

Vivienne sat bolt upright in the bed, trying to shake the horrible images from her dream, her skin was covered in droplets of sweat as though she really _had_ been burnt at the stake. But the fire seemed so real, she could still feel the terrible ache of the flames caressing her skin, cutting her open and consuming her.

Her chest rose and fell vastly as she breathed in and out, almost growing dizzy from the speed. She pulled a hand through her hair to look around her dark room; Morgana was still in her crib- _thank_ _God_. And fast asleep.

Outside the window was dark, and nothing could be seen, she didn't like it. But unlike her dream the room held a warmth and cosiness; she was safe- for now.

"Vivienne, come- it was just a nightmare." He tried to explain to her, knowing she had been plagued with them since she was a small girl. Gorlois tried to wrap his arms around her, but she shook him off.

She met his gaze, his grey stare, unlike the man in her dream, his eyes were soft and warm, they held no coldness or hate, but then this was the Gorlois who was oblivious to her crimes.

This was no nightmare, _this was a premonition._

_ …_

"Eat my love." Gorlois told his wife as he watched her dwell on her morning porridge.

"I'm not hungry." She confirmed, shoving the bowl away from her, looking solemnly down upon her lap.

"What is troubling you?" He asked, leaning closer to her so he could see her eyes, they looked awfully sorrowful. "You never did tell me about your dream…"

"It was a silly dream." She let a small laughed escape her lips as she looked up to him, her eyes were watery and glazed as though she might burst into tears.

"Are you sure?" Gorlois furrowed his brows in concern, not buying her lie for a second.

"Yes." She nodded. "Silly nightmares about demons and ghosts and magical monsters," She let another laugh escape her lips, trying to confirm the idiocy of her nightmare. "I think I will return to my chambers however." She stood up and slid him a comforting smile, not giving him a chance to reply, before she slipped off and out to her room again.

Once she was safe in the security of her room, she was faced with Emmeline, her klutz of a maid, holding Morgana and hushing her into her crib, muttering a small lullaby as she laid her to sleep.

"Milady." Emmeline gave a small bow to find her Lady return so soon from breakfast. "I hadn't expected your return so soon."

"You may go." Vivienne told her, hushing her out of her sight, she was in no mood for social interaction today.

"But Milady, I still have to-"

"I said you may go!" Vivienne turned to look at her maid, her eyes piercing and cold, Emmeline said no more and did what she was bid and left.

…

Morgana lay gurgling in her crib now, crying out for attention, but when Vivienne gave her none she settled into the silence and fell asleep.

Vivienne meanwhile sat at her writing desk, staring down at the blank parchment before her, thinking and wondering about what she planned to do was a good idea or not.

She knew Ygraine would _never_ call her a '_desperate, rotten whore_,' but then Vivienne had never given her reason too. If the shoe had been on the other foot, and she found Ygraine had borne a child to Gorlois, Vivienne couldn't deny her temper would perhaps get the better of her, but Ygraine was sweet and kind and wouldn't dream of using such horrendous words.

It was just a dream. That's all it was, _all it was. _If she would be found out, she knew Uther wouldn't have walked away so freely, no- his people would condemn him and he would be burnt, not her.

But then, she was a witch- and in her dream that truth had seeped out too, perhaps they'd burn together for their crimes…

Gorlois wouldn't have let harm come to Morgana, Vivienne had seen how he had loved Morgause, and she believed that if he found out the truth he wouldn't treat Morgana any differently. But then, she had never betrayed Gorlois before, but she _knew_ he would protect a baby, right?

And then there lay Morgana, the one in her dream that was murdered for nothing, what had an innocent child done to deserve to have its life stolen from them? She would be the one who would pay most of all for Vivienne's selfish crimes, yet she had done nothing at all.

Uther would kill the child to ease his guilt and to claim that she was magical in his defence. Or would he? Would he accept her as his own and let her live amongst Ygraine and their new child, raise her as his own if Gorlois did not want her? She would never know…

In all her life Vivienne could not recall one moment that she had done an act of good. She had succumbed foolishly to a peasant and bore his bastard child, she was forced into a marriage of a man she did not _truly_ love, to settle her father's wishes of a high authority family.

Everyone always preferred Ygraine. She was perfect in every way, she was a good child; done everything she was told, never disobeying anyone, and even marrying a King, nothing could better her. Even Tristan and Agravaine cherished her. She was the youngest after all, and Vivienne would well defend herself with a sword, but Ygraine always was the little girl who chose dolls over daggers.

Vivienne remembered the disgust in her older brothers when they discovered she was carrying a bastard child all those years ago, they scolded her and didn't speak to her for weeks, Ygraine was the only one who listened to her and didn't turn away from her when everyone else was being so cruel. So now Vivienne had stolen all trust from her sister, she had betrayed her and now she would pay for it. She never wanted to give Ygraine reason to hate her, and now she had; and she knew one day it would come out, Ygraine would hear from another that she was the step daughter to her niece, and she would _hate_ Vivienne, loathe her very being. If Vivienne owed her anything it would be to tell her, she deserved as much. Yet telling her would be too much, and she didn't want to risk revealing the cruel woman in her dreams to reality, so, she lifted the quill which was perched idly in its stand…

_Dear Sister,_

_I am aware your son will be here soon, and I know you will be overcome with excitement._

_Morgana is well and growing at a fast pace as you can already imagine._

_You know I have always loved you, and cherished you above all things in this life, and I know you will be the most wonderful mother, better than I- but that cannot be hard._

_However, my letter cannot be filled with joy and graciousness as you might expect. Instead, it burdens me to tell you that it brings possible heartache and sorrow. You see, I have committed an unforgivable crime, over the years it seems I'm always writing desperately to ask for your help and guidance but I fear you can be of no use to this matter._

_The blame is all mine and I will take it with me to the grave. It sorrows me that I cannot unfold such burdening truths to you at such a time, but know that it is for the best._

_I'm sorry, and that at the very least is all I can say, although I know it can never be enough, and no matter what I do or say, nothing could ever make up for it._

_If I can ask but one thing, it would be for you to love Morgana like she is your own and she will know no better mother but you. When you tell her of me, please try and speak highly and save her the embarrassment of admitting what a selfish, rotten pig I really was, for her sake. _

_Know that I love you and wish you every ounce of happiness, and may you have the most wonderful son that will rue Camelot one day, only you could raise a King as well as marry one._

_All my love, Vivienne._

After what felt like an eternity of heartbreak, Vivienne folded the parchment, glossed with tear stains and stamped it with the House of Gorlois, before she set it aside.

Now, she leant over the crib of her daughter, who was to her surprise- awake.

She stroked her cheek adorningly, a small yet sorrowful smile breaking on her lips as she watched the small babe, oblivious to all of the happenings around her.

Heartbreak set in, she could feel the aching throb in her chest, the vicious lumps in her throat that were becoming too hard to swallow, and the unforgettable churn of guilt right in the pit of her stomach.

"If I am not here, no harm can come." Vivienne whispered through the silence, speaking only to Morgana in a saddened tone.

It didn't make sense that a mother should tell their child this, because surely she should be saying that she'd stay by her and protect her, but deep down Vivienne knew that could never be. She thought of Morgause, and how she had let her slip away, even if she was still alive,- to which she didn't know- it didn't matter, she had let Morgause go and she knew as she stared down at Morgana that the same could not happen to her, she couldn't bare it.

It broke her heart all the same, but it was truth. Morgana would be better off without her, everywhere she went she had only brought trouble, and now she knew she couldn't be selfish and let down another child that depended solely on her.

If she was gone, nothing could happen no one would find out about Morgana's true parentage, Gorlois would have her to his own, Uther would have his son and Ygraine, though already broken from the truths, would know that she had given up everything for her daughter; even the cruel woman in her dreams could understand that amount of devotion.

Whether it was just a dream or a premonition, she would never know- but she wasn't going to stick around to find out.

So, without wasting a moment she wiped her tear stained cheeks and brought her lips to her baby's forehead, kissing it lightly, before she lifted the letter addressed to her sister and left the room, taking one last glance at Morgana as she went.

She met Gorlois on the stair, already halfway up them to make his way to her.

"Where are you going?" He questioned, his face holding a puzzled expression.

"I think I'll go riding." She piped up trying to hold her composure, but knowing she was failing beyond belief.

"I shall accompany you." Gorlois grinned heartedly, readying himself to turn and return back down the stairwell again. But Vivienne stopped him.

"No, no." She muttered with a slight smile, forcing it. "I would much prefer to get out by myself."

"Nonsense!" He scoffed, letting out a loud cackle, and ignoring her words.

But she placed her hands on his arms, turning him around to her, trying her best not to crumble as she spoke.

"Please." She longed, looking deep within his eyes, hoping he would just give it up and let her be. Thankfully he did.

Gorlois nodded, seeing something in her eyes that he did not like, she was filled with sorrow and mourning, but he didn't even question it, he just let her slip by him, and before he could react, she was gone.

…

"See this get to my sister." Vivienne told the young stable boy, knowing he would give it to the right person to post it, she could not trust such heavy words with her own maid, Emmeline was much too forgetful.

Vivienne pushed the letter into the boy's hand, holding it there solemnly for a moment, before the boy bowed and scurried off to obey her, the loud crack of thunder echoing through the sky. She gazed to the sky to see that rain was coming; the clouds were thick, grey and heavy.

Vivienne untied her horse and kicked its ribs, before the ebony mare set off in a glorious gallop toward the forest, wanting to get away from Gorlois before he could stop her rushing out in such weather.

The rain soaked her, but she need not care, not now. Now she was happy to feel the free drench of rain captivate her and saturate her whole. Tears soaked her cheeks and sobs engulfed her, sorrow became the only sore emotion she could feel.

She was leaving everything behind, nothing could change it. The letter would soon reach her sister; the news would soon reach her husband. She would rid herself of the mess she made, and the moment she was gone the mess would clear itself up, nothing bad would happen and Morgana would be safe; that was all the mattered.

Vivienne ran in the direction of the rain, and it chilled her, as the droplets battled against her face, soaking her long hair, as well as her horse's mane, but soon it would all be over; soon she would feel nothing, which was why the harsh cold that numbed her grip or the cruel sting of rain on her cheeks wasn't uncomfortable, but instead refreshing, for this would be the last time she would ever feel it.

The daylight simmered away, she had been riding for hours and it was beckoning on dusk- that's when she decided to stop.

Vivienne clambered down from her horse, slapping its hide as it neighed and trotted off the bordering wood to chew on forest brambles, when Vivienne hid herself in the shrubbery of the woodland, thorns and nettles grew thick around her, trees grew tall and dreary above her; this was it.

A dagger swung by her belt, and she withdrew it slowly, the sharp sting of the mental against itself made a horrifying sound, one heard upon battle when the swords would caress against each other in gracious swoops and harmful digs. But now, she was the enemy and she would have to do what any rightful person would do, and rid themselves of the badness.

She closed her eyes, taking in a breath, as she held the leather handle tightly in her grip, although slippery from rain she managed to hold it tight and firm, before she raised it, shuddering at the pain she would now bring upon herself.

And then, in one single swoop the blade met her skin and sank threw it, blood pooled around her as she let out a merciful scream at encountering such pain. Her hands grew wet with her own blood, the sticky black liquid against the leather. The pain made her retch and squirm, wanting to pull it out, to stop the pain and end the sting, but she was stronger than that. Vivienne reminded herself of her reasons, and pushed the blade deeper, letting out a squeal of defeat as the pain became all too much and she fell to her knees, wobbling and shuddering in ghastly impulses.

Her vision became blurred and suddenly she had a tremendous ache in her head, as though the pain in her stomach was taking over her entire body, she had never felt pain quite like this. The once vivid trees and shrubs turned into a miraculous blur, as her head swirled and she felt nauseated. The blood stained her gown and made her hands sticky and slippery, the endless pool of blood swam around her, stealing the once glorious green leaves of their colour, turning them to the colour of sin, a deep crimson.

Now, she found herself flat on the ground, understanding that the blade was now possibly lost beneath her. Black orbs appeared in her vision, small splits of light before nothing came. It was over.


	4. Chapter 4 Happiness and Heartache

_Chapter 4_

_**Happiness and Heartache**_

"My Lady." The small, but delicate maid bowed as she entered Ygraine's chambers. "A letter arrived for you this morning." She bowed before leaving the room.

Ygraine looked at the envelope and recognised the elegant swirls of her sister Vivienne and she beamed effortlessly, taking no care in ripping the royal blue waxed seal off and unfolding the thick parchment in her fingers, eager to read her sister's words.

The black ink was smudged in some places, the ends of her words running off, barely recognisable, as though it had been left to soak in the rain. Ygraine's eyebrows furrowed, as her eyes scanned down the sorrowful words, when it dawned on her that the smudges were not caused by rain but by tears.

What did any of this mean? Vivienne had a burdening on her heart, but one sore enough to keep from her only sister, a truth she would take to the grave? Nothing made sense. It seemed as though she were writing this letter in a different tense, as though something grave might happen, something dreadful and horrid. Ygraine's mind started racing, but she got up and went to the door before she got ahead of herself, however she was met with an older man, who was ready to knock upon her door.

He looked quite flushed when he was caught off guard by the Queen, the little ditsy maid stood by his side and she blushed furiously.

"My Lady." She curtsied. "I have Sir Edwin McAllister here; he wishes to speak in the name of Gorlois." She bowed and scurried off, before Edwin followed Ygraine into her chambers.

"Milady." He gave a small bow.

"Please…" Ygraine told him, trying to force a smile, but her mind was wandering. "Take a seat."

Edwin bowed and sat himself in front of the fire. "If I may Milady," He began.

"What news do you have of Gorlois?" She interrupted. "You see I received a letter from my sister, it seems very uncertain and I fear something dreadful might occur if I don't intercede to figure it out." She went on, not looking to Edwin as she spoke, he simply looked to her, growing tired looking at her from her constant pacing.

"I would go to her, but given my state," She indicated the bulging bump under her gown. "I fear it unwise…"

"Please." Edwin interrupted when he finally got the chance. "Perhaps it might be best if you take a seat before I go any further."

Ygraine obeyed urgently. "Why? What is it?" Her tone grew fearful and apprehensive.

"It is your sister." Edwin sighed sorrowfully, Ygraine merely stared at him, her eyes urging him to come out with it, but knowing internally that he was surely burdening a great truth.

"She was…" But he sighed again, unable to meet her gaze as he spoke.

"What is it?" Ygraine shouted at him, growing impatient. "Come out with it!"

"She was found the night before last, deep within the southern forest of her home." He finally was able to meet her gaze, as though the greatest of sorrows were unleashed and his shoulders were not as heavy as before.

"Is she hurt? What has happened to her?" Ygraine's eyebrows furrowed but her gaze remained transfixed on the man across from her.

"She's dead Milady." Edwin sighed; losing his gaze from her again, wishing the words were not true, but they were, and he could not take back the pain they brought.

Ygraine simply sat back in her chair, taking in his words and their meaning. A smile appeared on her lips and she shook her head as though this were all a joke. A small chuckle escaped her lips and Edwin looked at her curiously, as though she were going mad.

"No." Ygraine said after a long impregnable silence. "No, no she can't be dead." Ygraine shook her head and brushed him off with a merry laugh.

After a long moment her facial expression seemed to change, as though the truth were setting in; that this was not a joke after all.

"She sent me this letter a little over two days ago!" Ygraine half-yelled at the man across from her as her eyes filled with tears. "She has a young child, it cannot be true." Ygraine shook her head furiously, the truth seeping through her in each second, captivating her whole; she took strong gasps which she knew would soon turn to sobs.

Edwin nodded. "It is, Milady- I am truly sorry." He stood up; bowing his head, as Ygraine looked at him scornfully as though this were his fault.

Ygraine suddenly realised that this was becoming true, her sister was gone, she would be left alone with no one to confide in, she could no longer write tremendous letters to her sister explaining silly nothings and important everything's. Vivid images flashed through her mind, what the letter meant, that her sister died burdening a truth that could never be revealed, that Ygraine would spend the rest of her days with a heavy burden of her sister's words, longing to know their meaning. But of course what hurt most of all was that Vivienne couldn't trust her enough to confide in her one and only sister, the one she told everything to. There was no need to ask about the cause of death, it was obvious given her letter, but how could she be so cruel to take her own life when she had a daughter that relied on her, a sister that cherished her and a husband that loved her so dearly.

Edwin bowed his head and moved to the door, but Ygraine stopped him by standing up and blocked his exit.

"Please…" She begged as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Please, it's not true!" She pleaded; confused as to why she was even begging this man she'd never laid eyes on, it was not his fault afterall.

Edwin looked confused and awkward, this was the Queen of Camelot and, although her sister had committed suicide, he would find it highly inappropriate to be comforting her given the fact that he barely knew her, and it certainly was not in his nature.

"Please!" She screeched as he tried to leave the room, and sobs engulfed her now, cracking her already weak composure, the overwhelming throb in her head that her sister would no longer be here, she was alone now.

Through the tears however, her maid had managed to hear her from outside and knocked on the door before opened, to find her lady overwhelmed with tears and perished in sorrow, and she ran to her aid in great gratitude, before turning to Edwin.

"What have you done?" The young maid furrowed her brows at the man, who shook his head.

"She has received grave news. Vivienne is dead." Edwin told her, but Ygraine disliked this tortuously.

"Don't speak of me as though I am not here!" Ygraine shouted in a rage at him, overcome with tears again.

"Please Milady…" The maid tried to calm her, but she would not have it.

"What am I to do?" Ygraine sobbed as Edwin took his leave now the Queen was preoccupied with her maid.

And with a gracious thump, Ygraine fell to the floor below, burying her face in her hands, weeping into her hands, feeling small and delicate like a little girl again. Only this time, her tears weren't because she had broken her favourite doll, or because she had developed a bruise from falling from her horse; this time she had lost something irreplaceable, her sister.

Life would never be the same, for now she would forever be alone in it, although she would have a husband, a son and everything else she could have ever dreamed of, she would not ever have her sister, no riches could bring her back the one who she always looked up to and admired.

The pain in her heart would never cease, never grow easier with time. The grief stole her away, the horror of it all made her tremble and quake, as panic spun through her like a rattling winter wind. Sorrow had stolen her now, and she doubted it would ever set her free, great, tremendous sobs shook her body as she laid a failing mess on the floor.

"Milady!" The young maid said, kneeling down beside her, trying to help her up; but as she did, Ygraine felt a great, sharp shooting pain and she gasped in discomfort.

"Ygraine?" The maid questioned in disbelief, she never called her lady by her name; but in this respect she found it entirely necessary.

To Ygraine's horror, the pain didn't cease. It only grew worse and worse and had her clutching her bulging belly and letting out small huffs of breath from the immediate throb.

She knew her baby was not due for over a month _at least_, although she had heard of children coming early and Gaius had informed her that she had very little chances of birthing too soon, which was why it was virtually impossible that her son wanted to break free of her womb so suddenly.

"I'll go fetch Gaius!" The maid said quickly before she wasted no time in dashing from the room.

Gaius was only a new physician, Uther had got him especially for her; claiming that he was the best person to birth a child and the heir of Camelot at that, but she did not really know Gaius all that well, what could he possibly know?

But then another sharp pain rattled through her abdomen once again and she could not bring herself to stand up. The pain made her rock and plead that it would stop, holding out until it eventually would and the sigh of sheer relief when it did was heavenly. But sadly she did not enjoy the relief for much longer this time before the pain consumed her again, and very soon there was no relief in between, the pain was just one long, overbearing and horrific agony coursing through her, making her cry out for the relief that would not come.

And suddenly she realised she was sitting in a puddle of water, the skirts of her dress were soaked, although it wasn't like she could feel anything since all her senses seemed to be lost to one treacherous pain.

That's when Gaius had entered and ran to her, a tender heap on the floor clutching her stomach for the pain to ease but it would not.

"Fetch the King!" Gaius told the maid, who looked scared and panicked but still ran out as quickly as Gaius had said the words.

"Come Milady, the time is near…" Gaius told her, making her stand.

"No… No!" Ygraine replied in defence. "My baby is not due for another month at least, you said so yourself!"

"Sometimes these things happen, no harm will come." Gaius eased, wishing she would lie down on the bed and stop being so proud, he could see she was trying to conceal her fear.

"You're waters have already broken Milady, we can waste no time." He told her immediately.

Ygraine glanced to the puddle now walked through the room, realising now how idiotic she had been, but she had no time to play glum and obvious because the pain returned and she let a shuddering cry of agony escape her lips as her arms grasped around her stomach, hoping and pleading that it would stop. She had never felt pain quite like this, not physical pain anyway, she doubted having a sword pierced through her bare skin dozens of times would hurt as much, but this only scared her more because she knew the pain could only get worse…

…

Hours passed, day turned into night and it was though time itself had stopped entirely, ever second dragged and it seemed that his son would never be here.

Uther was in his throne room, everything had been dismissed; important meetings of council, silly talk of war; everything. For his wife was upstairs bearing him a son, a son that would be the living image of him, that would rule Camelot as well as he, and make his father proud of all his new accomplishments. His son would train and lead Knights to battle and come back soaked in glory of his defeat, he would be honourable and wise; everything Uther wanted him to be.

But, the King could not help but believe that something was the matter; Ygraine had been in their hours and her treacherous screams echoed through the dank palace walls, making him quiver and squirm in fear for his dear wife and the pain she was going through.

Every time he tried to get into see his wife, someone was there to send him away. Gaius prevailed in wanting no one in the room but her Lady in Waiting, to avoid infection it was possibly the safest option. But, even Uther's claim that he was_ 'King of Camelot'_ did little for him now.

He could not take his mind off the happenings upstairs; he could not eat, sleep or even try to revel in a book. Uther had never been a patient man, so having to wait so long was killing him.

And then, the thought of magic crept into his mind. The reason his son was here after all, he thought of Nimueh and what she had told him, but he hadn't _really_ listened to her, he had stopped listening the moment she told him it was possible to fill his wife's womb with a son. He had forgotten the consequences as such, he could vaguely remember her saying there was a price to pay, another life- but he had no care for such things. The life would be a stranger, _anyone_- someone in a foreign land or someone in the lower Kingdom; but he would not annoy his mind with silly thoughts at such a late hour, especially when greater matters were happening upstairs.

…

Uther found himself dozing in his chair in the late hours when the small, ditzy blonde haired girl entered, a girl which he recognised to be his wife's maid.

"Sire!" She gave a small bow, beaming from ear to ear. "You have a son!"

Uther grinned, not even half realising he was doing it; how long her had yearned to hear those words and now they were true, now everything would be perfect, he would have a an heir to raise and rule his Kingdom and a wife to share it with.

He darted past the maid and up the spiralling staircase, finding his wife's bedroom and entering, setting eyes on for the first time since morning, and it seemed all too long.

She looked dreadful; there was no denying. Worn out and tired, her long blonde hair unctuous and beads of sweat ran down her forehead, her eyes looked as though they might fall closed any second; but she still wore a radiant smile on her lips and it was indeed infectious.

But, Uther's eyes were brought to another being, when his ears perked up at the sound of a gurgling baby; his son.

Gaius wrapped him in an ivory cloth, watching him squirm and cry out for attention, he seemed irritable as he whimpered and wailed in Gaius's arms, but soon the physician passed him over to his father.

He was so small, with soft delicate skin and rosy red cheeks; his hair was wispy and blonde. He had stopped crying for now, instead gurgling and cooing up at his father, with large infectious sea blue eyes, he had perfectly shaped rosebud lips and a small button nose.

Uther was lost for words, for the first time in his life. This was his son, this small bundle of happiness, and soon he would grow to be a mighty King, and Uther would have such fun teaching him everything in between. No measure of jewels, riches or royalty could better this moment, this would be the happiest he ever felt and he wouldn't change it for the world.

But now, a set of grave eyes laid upon his- Gaius started at him, looking mournful and full of woe, before the blonde maid returned to take the baby off the king, Uther 's face changed of bliss to apprehensive.

"What is it?" He asked his physician at once, but he didn't need a reply.

Behind his friend he saw his wife, looking dreadful and ill in her bed, of course she had just had a baby and suffered the worst pain she had endured in her entire life, but something was not right.

Gaius would not speak and the maid had left with his son, no one was giving him any answers.

"Well?" He demanded an answer from his physician.

"I have done my best Sire, but I fear her darkest hour looms." Gaius informed him gravely, before he left him alone, for the final moments with his wife.

Uther felt an agonizing stab in his chest, and he was frozen on the very spot. What was Gaius saying? But then he realised he was only be a fool to question his words; he only had to look at his wife to see what he had meant.

"Uther…" She whispered, her voice a mere slither to what it had been before, as though she had screamed it all out.

"You'll be fine!" Uther demanded at once, kneeling at her bedside, refusing to believe the truth even if it lay before him.

"I am no fool." She remarked lightly, being wise and responsible, Ygraine knew what lay ahead- she could not avoid it, but she did not fear it as much as she had thought she would.

"I'm telling you," Uther began again, taking her hand in his own and squeezing it, although begging her to stay here, with him and their son. "You're going to be alright."

"Look after him Uther," Ygraine smiled, taking to heed of his last words. "Teach him to be good and strong." She told him, her whispers were haunting and he knew they would stay with him forever, keeping him awake at the ghostly hours of the night.

"And tell him of me." She urged, knowing she would never meet with her son again, at least not in this life, but she wanted the fondest memories of his mother to fill his thoughts.

"He will be the greatest King; I'm sure of it; just like his father." She went on, as he held her hand, trying to hold onto her life, but as the seconds past she was dwindling away.

"No, you'll stay!" He cried out, his voice a pathetic whimper as he looked into her eyes, longing her to stay with him, he would do _anything_.

"I cannot, and I'm sorry to leave him without a mother…" She said gravely, her son would be motherless and he would never _truly_ know the true nurture of a mother, only the rulings of a father, and that would have to be enough.

"This is not your fault!" Uther told him, begging her to know that she need not feel guilt. "It is mine." He perished into the blankets, letting small but violent sobs shake through him and the pain he had brought upon himself.

"Nonsense Uther…" She gave a smile to him, pressing her fingers lightly against his cheek, urging him to look at her dying face, and it was only now that Uther realised that his son looked _nothing_ like him, he was the living image of his mother, he shared her beauty and he only hoped he would share her kind ways, and not his selfish ones.

"Arthur." She spoke slowly, but said the words with such pride, even though her voice was weak and dreary. "You will call him Arthur." And as Ygraine took her final breath, her eyes fell closed and she fell softly back on the pillow. To look at her it would seem she was sleeping, a perfect angel in slumber from exhaustion, but she would never wake up now; she was gone.

"No!" Uther cried up painfully, shaking her to wake, but her body was heavier than before, lifeless and cold and he had done it to her, he may as well of murdered her in her bed because that was just the same as selling her soul for a son. "No!" He begged again, burying his face in his hands and sobs shook him and grief stole him, he had never felt pain quite like this.

And, as though they had heard his very cries, people gathered outside the window, on the courtyard, dozens and dozens, each holding a flickering flame which swayed in the night air, they all chanted prayers of loss as they mourned the life of their Queen.

Never had Camelot been so still, so frozen and so full of grief.

_**A/N**_

**Hello everyone! Sorry for the long delay in updating! I've been so busy lately, but I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Now I can finally begin writing some ArMor scenes, the**_** main**_** pairing of this story! :) But I had such fun writing about Vivienne and Ygraine! The next pile of chapters will be about infant ArMor growing up to the pairing we know and love. :) Thank you to everyone who reviewed, favourite, and put it under their alerts! I love you all! :D And if you have taken the time to read this chapter then please take some time to review! ^^ I hope to get chapter 5 up ASAP, thank you all again! :) x**


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